Archives for March, 2005

Angry GameFAQs Review Of The Day (3/31)

Posted on Mar 31, 2005 under Gaming News, Playstation 2 Games | 2 Comments

Today’s winner concerns an obscure title by the name of GoDai: Elemental Force for the PS2. More oddly, you might notice, is that the writer — shouting comfortably from his recliner of rage — seems to have a bit of an age-complex. See if you can sniff it out, too, or if we’re just high on angel dust (or all of the above). Bolding is ours:

Back in the old days, kids didn’t need too much of an excuse to play games… times have changed. Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t figure to sound like an old has-been drumming up the way things were. All I’m getting at is that today, we’re lucky, because there’s as many choices in games as there is fruit in Florida. And if a game stinks, it stinks. You don’t sit around for hours on end, whittling away those fleeting seconds of youth, working out the problems of a glitchy game simply because there’s nothing else around… On a good day, I spend three bucks on soda-pop, so what was the risk in throwing down on a game? I forgot that plum bottom rule they always teach you right off: never, but, never judge a book by its cover… The story was basic, but that’s a draw for me. If I want a great work of story telling, I’ll read Moby Dick… [And] the graphics? If the cover art is to be believed, the graphics are dynamite.

Old has-been? You? I mean, how could a such an obvious hipster like yourself, who’s “whittling” and “drinking” “soda pop” down in “Florida”, using cool hip-hop slang like “plum bottom”, “dynamite”, “it stinks” and “never judge a book by its cover” between reads of Amazon.com’s most buzz-worthy novel, “Moby Dick,” ever “figure” to be an “old has-been”? Sheesh, someone’s paranoid…

The Hard Way [GameFAQs]

Popularity: 4% [?]

Romance: As Boring In Games As It Is In Real Life

Posted on Mar 31, 2005 under Gaming News, Playstation 2 Games | 1 Comment

YES!! SCORE!!! Two more historically accurate strategy games based on foreign wars and ancient civilizatioZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

ROMANCE OF THE THREE KINGDOMS X is the latest installment in KOEI’s long-running Historical Simulation Game series. The game covers nearly one hundred and forty-seven years of Chinese history starting with the fall of the Han Dynasty at the end of second century A.D…. While China was in the midst of an upheaval, the Roman Empire experienced its own decline after the death of Caesar Marcus Aurelius. Nonetheless, the citizens of Rome were provided with ample public diversion in the form of gladiator games. Through the Action Role-Playing Game, COLOSSEUM: ROAD TO FREEDOM, video gamers will experience first-hand the thrill of fighting in these gruesome spectacles, as well as the hardships of training as a slave.

…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

KOEI Announces Two Historical-Themed Video Game Releases for 2005 [Active Anime]

Popularity: 5% [?]

Um, Should We Be Talking About This?

Posted on Mar 31, 2005 under Gaming News, Nintendo DS | 1 Comment

We don’t think it’s very politically correct, but Gamespot claims that “colored” (“collared,” if you’re on NBC’s “The Office”) Nintendo DS models have doubled sales in Japan.

Nintendo released its new Graphite Black and Pure White color models of the DS on March 24. The company will also be releasing two additional tinted models on April 21–Turquoise Blue and Candy Pink. New colors don’t mean a new price. The cost remains 15,000 yen ($139). Nintendo has not announced plans to release colored DS models in the US.

Something tells us the Red States won’t be as open to their teenage boys playing “Candy Pink” DS units as the Japanese. But we’ve been wrong before (psst! No we haven’t!).

Colored DS models double sales in Japan [GameSpot]

Popularity: 5% [?]

Greatest! GameFAQs! FAQ! Ever!

Posted on Mar 31, 2005 under Gaming News | No Comment

Yesterday, some wise ass contributed a FAQ for the circa 1989 classic(?) Q*Bert (NES version) — hope he enjoys his $.03 FAQ bounty, the bastard.

You are Q-Bert (an orange alien or green if you are player 2) and the object of the game is to turn all the block on the field into the specified color shown. Sounds easy, right? Well it’s not as easy as you think. No no. There are enemies that plauge the very fields you are on. They will either kill you or jack up the field you are working on by turning the color back to the color before or back to its original color. However, the latter of the monsters can help you out sometimes depending on the levels. There are 36 level which is really nine levels with four stages each of block coloring action. Unlike the arcade, there is some sort of ending. It’s funny how Q-Bert (swears?) when he dies and its censored.

Yeah, the swearing’s hilarious. Now where the @!#?@! is the walkthrough?

Q*Bert FAQ [GameFAQs]

Popularity: 2% [?]

Tick, tock, tick. . .

Posted on Mar 31, 2005 under Gaming News, Playstation 2 Games | No Comment

We all love Sam Fisher, don’t get us wrong, but he can’t save the world in a day — he needs a good week at least. But can our ADD-afflicted world wait 168 hours? HELL NO. Good thing the highly more efficient Jack Bauer, of Fox’s 24 fame (Mondays, 9 p.m.), is coming to the PS2, reports IGN:

Said to be “an all-new day” in Jack’s life, 24 is set between seasons two and three of the television show and is meant to fill in the blanks for several unanswered questions. “Who really attempted to assassinate President Palmer, how did Kim get her job with the LACTU, and how did Jack and Chase first start working together are among those questions asked. To help tell this story, several of the television show’s actual stars will lend their talents to the game’s production with Kiefer Sutherland, Elisha Cuthbert (hot!). . .

“(hot!)”?! *puke* We have a phobia of randy IGN writers so you’ll have to read the rest on your own.

24: The Video Game; Jack Bauer comes home to the PlayStation 2 [IGN]

Popularity: 4% [?]

Blogger To Hil: “Step Off Bitch”

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News | No Comment

Making the rounds these last few days have been reports of Sen. Hilary Clinton’s (D-NY) not-so-complimentary words for the gaming industry. From The Australian:

“Children are playing a game that encourages them to have sex with prostitutes and then murder them,” the US senator and former first lady said.
“This is a silent epidemic of media desensitisation that teaches kids it’s OK to diss people because they are a woman, they’re a different colour or they’re from a different place.”

Did she just say “diss”? Anyway, needless to say, geeks aren’t happy. Especially one Matt Paprocki, a blogcritic.org contributor who got his panties in such a bunch that he wrote an online response to the good senator. Here’s how it begins:

A Letter to Senator Hilary Clinton on Video Game Violence: While browsing the internet yesterday, I stumbled across an article centering around a $90 million study you have proposed on the so-called “effects of video game violence.” Please realize what a huge waste of not only taxpayer’s dollars this is, but also how simple the answer is to all of this. It has nothing to do at all with the content of these rated video games, but everything to do with lackluster parenting.

He then added, “P.S., your husband totally cheated on you with a fat chick.”

Hilary hits out at games violence [The Australian]
A Letter to Senator Hilary Clinton on Video Game Violence [blogcritics.org]

Popularity: 3% [?]

Kenny vs. Satan; PSP vs. DS?

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Sony PSP | No Comment

If you didn’t catch the new South Park episode that ran on 3/30, here are the highlights.

**SPOILER ALERT, BIATCHES**

Kenny (the one in the hoodie who dies everyweek) masters the game “Heaven versus Hell” on his newly purchased Sony PSP. Shortly after reaching level 60, the game’s highest level, Kenny gets run over by a truck and goes to heaven where angels enlist him in a fight against Satan and an army of demons.

But doctors on earth manage to yoink Kenny’s soul from heaven and back into his lifeless, brainless body and an ethical war erupts over whether to keep Kenny’s food tube in or let him die (I don’t know where Matt Stone and Trey Parker come up with such absurd stories).

Finally, the citizens of South Park agree Kenny should be able to die in peace and his soul returns to heaven to his holy, golden PSP to resume the battle against Satan’s army.

Unfortunately, the holy PSP’s pixels die, Sony refuses to replace them and Satan wins the war…

Just kidding!

Kenny beats some demonic ass and heaven is saved. The grateful angels reward Kenny with a golden Keanu Reeves statue and all is well again.

Trust us, this synopsis will make much more sense when you watch the re-run.

[South Park Studios]

Popularity: 4% [?]

Plot To Swap Xbox Game For Gun Is Foiled

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Xbox Console, Xbox Games | 1 Comment

Jeez. We’d like to think with realistic games like NARC that simulate the punching of whores, doing of drugs and killing of cops, society’s youth would get it out of its system. We couldn’t be more naïve, according to the AP (and needless to say, this happened in Kansas):

A mother who called police Tuesday night after her 9-year-old son told her of his plans to swap an X-Box video game for a gun is being praised for helping thwart a potential tragedy. Wichita police spokeswoman Janet Johnson said after the woman called at about 10:30 p.m., officers went to the home of another 9-year-old boy and found a loaded handgun in his backpack.

What’s next, some troubled teen swapping a copy of Super Monkey Ball Deluxe for an endangered red-assed baboon?

Phone Call Thwarts Swap Of Gun For Video Game [TheKansasCityChannel]

Popularity: 3% [?]

Linguistic Trickery Brought To You By Ubisoft

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, PC Games, Playstation 2 Games, Xbox Console, Xbox Games | 2 Comments

Euphemisms are fun. Take the word “News Release” standing in for “shameless advertising”, for example. Or “urban” standing in for “minority stereotypes, violence, prostitution and drugs”. This link, a “report” on how Ubisoft’s upcoming 187 Ride or Die will change the world for the better, has both:

News Article: Ubisoft Announces 187 Ride or Die… Ubisoft, one of the world’s largest video game publishers, today announces 187 Ride or Die(TM), an urban-themed combat racing game that plunges players into a brutal street-racing gang war where victory depends on ruthless driving and deadly shooting skills… 187 Ride or Die tells the story of a reluctant urban hero named Buck (L. Tate), a young man living a thug’s life seething with money, fast cars and beautiful women — with danger lurking around every corner… Reported by: Karl Castaneda

Wow! How quickly offensive concepts turn cute and cuddly with a little help from a thesaurus. Mr. Castaneda could totally win a Pulitzer, were only he a real journalist.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Spittin’ Game(cube)

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Nintendo GameCube Console, Nintendo GameCube Games | No Comment

*EXCLUSIVE*

In light of yesterday’s disturbing article that McDonald’s is paying rap/hip-hop artists to mention its, er, cuisine in their songs, we have to wonder, is Nintendo doing the same thing?

We give you exhibit A: Lyrics from Mike JonesStill Tippin’, courtesy of A-Z Lyrics.

“Blowing on the endo Game Cube Nintendo/
Five percent tint so you can’t see up in my window”

Funny, most gangsta’ rappers prefer Xbox or Playstation 2 for their mature games like GTA and Narc instead of the G-rated ‘Cube. Hanging around all of those white rappers must be making Mike Jones soft.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Angry GameFAQs Review Of The Day

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Game Reviews, Gaming News | No Comment

This gem comes courtesy of Sapharos, reviewing 1990′s Pit-Fighter (arcade version):

I’ve mentioned that PF is drab and limitedly functional, but there’s more to it than that… don’t even bother with the game at all. It’s drab, boring and unplayable. It’s not even the type of game which can become one of these So Bad It’s Good cult classics. It’s drab and unplayable.

But is it drab?

The Pits [gameFAQs]

[UPDATE: For whatever reason, the gods that be at gF decided this review wasn't appropriate and quickly deleted it. Probably a bunch of closet P-F fans, they are. Drab asses!]

Popularity: 2% [?]

We Ask The Important Questions: Can Ninjas Ever Suck?

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Xbox Console, Xbox Games | No Comment

The answer is a resounding “yes,” according to a rather bitchy-toned IGN review for the Xbox’s Red Ninja: End of Honor:

Red Ninja is a comedy of errors, but without the humor. From the camera to the movement to the over-powered tetsugen to the uninspired nature of pretty much everything this game disappoints in so many different ways. If this was a movie it’s quite possible it could become a camp classic. As a game there’s no reason at all to put yourself through this whatsoever.

The reviewer, resenting the lead heroine’s bust size among other things, slapped the game with a 4.0 rating. Ouch, sucka, you just got served.

Red Ninja: End of Honor;
Where the only honor is in ending any thought of this game
[IGN]

Popularity: 3% [?]

Pac-Man Chompin’ At the Bit To Make Come Back

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Nintendo GameCube Console, Nintendo GameCube Games, Playstation 2 Games, Xbox Console, Xbox Games | 13 Comments

Since freebasing crack on The Bloodhound Gang‘s hit song “Mope” in 2000, reports of Pac-Man’s whereabouts have been sparse.

Good news: The famous yellow mouth is back to celebrate an amazing quater-century of life, clean and sober — or so Namco would have us believe:

Leading video games developer and publisher Namco Hometek Inc. announced today that it is celebrating Pac-Man’s 25th birthday with the release of Pac-Man World 3 this fall. … Shaped like a pizza missing a slice and making a wocka wocka wocka sound, Pac-Man exploded onto the video game scene and never looked back. 25 years later, Pac-Man has starred in dozens of games and has been the inspiration for more than 400 different products from cereal to watches to air fresheners and even a cartoon.

Ms. Pac-Man, on the other hand, hasn’t aged so gracefully turning $5 tricks in Jersey.

NAMCO CELEBRATES PAC-MAN’S 25TH ANNIVERSARY WITH PAC-MAN WORLD™ 3 [Namco]

Popularity: 9% [?]

Nintendo DS Sales ‘Peak’

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Nintendo DS | No Comment

Kotaku reports:

Two twenty-somethings are on their way to becoming the youngest people in history to ascend the world’s tallest mountains on all seven continents—and they’re taking the Nintendo DS with them.

Just in case the lack of air causes the young climbers to pass out, Sherpas will be on hand to muscle through Yoshi Touch & Go.

Nintendo DS Makes Trek to Top of Everest [Kotaku]

Popularity: 5% [?]

New Flash Fun!

Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, PC Games | No Comment

Uh, yeah. We visit STILEPROJECT for the flash games just like we read Playboy for the articles. We swear.

Here are some of our faves from Stile’s Tuesday update:

  • Potman
  • Onsen Pingpong
  • Shuriken
  • Snow Blitz
  • Popularity: 3% [?]

    Capcom Makes Us Feel Old

    Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News, Nintendo GameCube Games, PC Games, Playstation 2 Games | No Comment

    Attention history buffs: The original Resident Evil debuted on March 22, 1996, for the Playstation.

    Nine years later, we’re still blasting away the “S.T.A.R.S.”-grunting, brain-gobbling undead and desperately searching for save tape in order to rescue the world from the not-so-unbelievable Umbrella Corporation.

    Is it any surprise that RE is Capcom’s best selling franchise (as of December, 2004)? 26 million units sold, to be exact, and that doesn’t even include RE4 sales!

    Other notables:

  • 24 million units sold in the Street Fighter series
  • 22.9 million units sold in the Megaman series
  • 1.2 million units sold in the 1942 series
  • Capcom releases latest cumulative sales data [GameSpot]

    Popularity: 5% [?]

    Just In: Chicks Dig Games (Still Don’t Dig Gamers)

    Posted on Mar 30, 2005 under Gaming News | 1 Comment

    Y-less chromosomers enjoy button mashing as much as the next guy — no really, they do. Not convinced? KATU-Portland has video proof (OK, they are grungy Pacific Northwest girls, but it’s a start).

    “I think it’s easy to kind of stereotype that women don’t want to shoot or that women don’t want to do sports or that women don’t want fast-paced action, and I don’t think that’s true,” says Jenna Chambers, a Video Game Designer for Electronic Arts.

    Right on, Jenna, down with those disgusting gender sterotypes. Girl power! (Just leave the driving games to the men, ladies, K?)

    Believe it or not, girls like video games too [KATU]

    Popularity: 3% [?]

    Welcome to Thumb Gods!

    Posted on Mar 29, 2005 under Game Reviews, Gaming News, Nintendo GameCube Console, Nintendo GameCube Games, PC Games, Playstation 2 Games, Sony PSP, Strategy Games, Xbox Console, Xbox Games | No Comment

    Welcome to Thumb Gods – a new weblog for hardcore gamers and regular enthusiasts alike – featuring all the latest news and reviews on upcoming games and consoles.

    We’ll cover all types of games – from Xbox, PlayStation 2, and GameCube releases to PC Gaming favorites such as Counter-Strike, Half-Life, The Sims, and Everquest.

    ThumbGods.com is another collaborative weblog brought to you by Niner Niner – your walkie-talkie to the world.

    If you’d like to contribute to Thumb Gods, head on over to Niner Niner and get signed up today!

    Popularity: 19% [?]

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