Game Controller Family tree

Want to learn when the analog stick’s speciation from its ancestor the d-pad? or how about where the mutation known as shoulder buttons came from? Well, fear not, all your game controller evolution questions are answered in Sock Master’s Game Console Controller Family Tree. Starting with the classic Atari joystick, and Nintendo’s Game and Watch (alright I admit it, the only reason I know what that is, is Mr. Game and Watch and his flipping bacon from Super Smash Brothers) it covers everything up to the just released PS3, 360, and Revolution controllers, clearly illustrating the Nintendo, Sony, and Sega/XBox lineages along the way.

I was also glad to see that I’m not the only one that finds the original XBox controllers less intiutive and more badly mishappen than I’d hope. Fun fact for the day:

In what has perhaps become an industry first, the original Xbox controller has largely been abandoned in favor of the Controller S, which has now been adopted as the controller of choice.

I’ll just pretend that they left all these original controllers in the stores, and thats what I keep getting stuck with whenever I play the demo for five minutes, succeed in shooting everything but the alien, throwing a grenade not quite three feet, killing myself, and in short realizing I still don’t quite feel the need to buy an XBox just yet.

We Need Another Portable Nintendo Like We Need Another Law & Order

Looky here. Nintendo might be making a GameCube even easier to carry into Gamespot to exchange for gamebucks. Awesome! [engadget]

Michael Jackson Hearts Fanboys

According to yesterday’s testimony from 23-year-old defense witness (and former Neverland Ranch guest at the tender age of five) Brett Barnes, Michael Jackson is a fan of pillow fights, movies and — surprise! — video games. Hey MJ, what’s your high score on Chou Aniki, anyway? [Courttv.com]

The Illuminati Barrels On…

Sumner Redstone and Bill Gates aren’t content with just one circle jerk:

In a new promotion, Xbox gamers who sign up for new Showtime service during a promotional period will get their choice of Xbox freebies. Gamers can choose between receiving two Xbox games, or one game and a starter kit with 12-month subscription to Xbox Live.

Mmmm, do we smell an L Word port? ‘Cause it smells yummy.

Microsoft, Viacom In Another Xbox Promotion [webpronews.com]

RELATED: Six Degrees Of Xbox 360

And The Loser Winner Is…

Does watching MTV make you feel inadequate? Bored? Gay? How’s about we let you know what’s going on at 1515 Broadway without you having to risk watching a minute of Meet The Barkers? The network’s Movie Awards 2005 is coming up (will tape June 4 and air June 9, like you care) and this year, there’s a new category: “BEST VIDEO GAME BASED ON A MOVIE”. Here are the nominees…

Spider-Man 2

Van Helsing

Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

The Incredibles

Hey, Van Helsing — forget about fucking Paula Abdul for brownie points. She’s not judging this one.

MTV Movie Awards Get “Mean” [E! Online]

20,000 Geeks Under The Sea

Cephalopod nomenclature is both a science and an art:

At the Seattle Aquarium, volunteers named the octopuses according to their behavior. Leisure Suit Larry was named for a sleazy video game character, “because his arms were all over you,� Anderson said.

And here we thought it was because it smelled like fish.

Eight arms to hold you [Anchorage Press]

Nerd Reich

A former neo-Nazi (no, not the new Pope — he was an O.G. Nazi) tells University of Oregon students that he regrets, among other things, playing a video game called Ethnic Cleansing and Beyond. We can’t really blame him for that, though… didn’t IGN give it a 9.5? [Oregon Daily Emerald]

Princess Maker 2

I’m a little insulted by the top ten girlfriend-friendly games list on www.iup.com. It’s a good concept, girls tend to like like different games than boys do, and there are a bunch of great games that girls love. The Sims, Morrowind and Neverwinter Nights are my favorites. The Sims did make number one on this list, but rest of the games listed on 1up.com are for non-gamers with low standards and very little attention span. Especially Centipede. If you really loved me, you’d let me play Nibbles on your TI-85.

And how did Princess Maker fail to make the list of simple games targeted to girls? This game comes from Japan, where preteen girls are a bigger segment of the gaming market. This might be because the American games for this demographic are along the lines of Super Model Barbie.

The story is set in a pseudo-mideval fantasy kingdom. You play as the victor in a epic battle against the dark lord, now retired from combat and the adoptive father of a baby girl. The goddess Venus appears in a cloud of light, ok, in a King’s Quest-era speech box, and gives you the baby and tells you to raise the girl to be healthy, attractive, good-natured and smart. You send her to school, art and dance lessons, etiquette class, assign her chores, take her on vacations, etc. ALthough you are trying to incrase her stats, the random events in the game like competitions or potential suitors, keep Princess Maker from being a repetitive leveling game.

With proper training, your little princess can become quite an ccomplished mage or swordswoman, and venture outside the city looking for monsters and dragons to fight.(See above regarding “pseudo-mideval fantasy kingdon”) The combats are bloodless, although I can’t tell whether that’s intentionally keeping the game girl-friendly or a function of the ancient graphics.

There’s a not-so-subtle message not-so-cleverly embedded in Princess Maker about the fine balance between attractive and slutty. It’s not a good theme for preteen girls, but it’s a message they’ll get from hundreds of sources more important that a videogame. And your princess can also be happy and successful by excelling at academics or fencing or dancing or another skill.

At the end of the game, when your princess turns eighteen, you receive a letter from her, telling you about her life. Some of my princesses ended up happily single, some married nice boys from good families (yes, that’s the description), one ran off with my butler and I finally got one to marry the prince. Oh yeah, that’s the goal of the game, but you don’t have to strive for it. One princess was unhappy since she had no children (I’m not entirely sure where I failed as a father).

For the record, I got my copy of Princess Maker 2 from a male friend, after hearing two other college guys talking about how awesome it is. If they’re willing to admit to playing Princess Maker, I think I can tell my secret: Don’t tell anyone, but I once cross-gamed and played Mr. Pac-Man.

www.violeteclipse.blogspot.com

RELATED: Ladies, Forget Bra Burning… [Thumb Gods]

Game Monopolists And The Silicon Valley Papers That Kick Them When They’re Down

Electronic Arts is wishing it could replay the last quarter. The largest independent maker of video games reported Tuesday that its profit plunged 91 percent last quarter and it would lose money this quarter.

What can we say, we have a bitchy lede fetish. [San Jose Mercury News]

MCR Puts The “Fun” In Funeral

Hiya, necrophiliacs! Do you find the ‘net — although brimming with cadaver fuck pix and the like — often lacking in MMOGs that appeal to your lifestlye? Your hopes and dreams? Goth rockers My Chemical Romance feel your pain, offering up an online game inspired by Helena, the sexy ballerina corpse from their music video of the same name:

…She appears in the so-brand-new-it’s-retro video game MCR posted on mychemicalromance.com. The game is a throwback to such coin-op classics as Dig Dug or Joust and features sub-pixel graphics and a cheesy, three-note rendition of “Helena.” Players have to guide the very active corpse through a maze of enemies aiming to put her back in the casket, all the while trying to free guarded pallbearers and make it to the next level.

If God didn’t want us to be attracted to dead bodies, why did he invent formaldehyde? Think about it…

My Chemical Romance Reanimate Helena For Online Video Game [MTV.com]

Best Of The B -’s

VS.

IGN doled out a lukewarm 8.0 for both of these shooters. You decide which is the lucky recipient of grade inflation and which is being punished for not having sex with the teacher (unlike someone we know, Unreal Championship 2: The Liandri Conflict). [IGN]

Morning Wood

Mmmmm, thighs. Mmmmm, ponytail. Mmmmm, awkward jumping. The new Tomb Raider: Legend trailer awaits. [GameSpot]