Caught Parking

No, not me! There’s this guy in Palmer, a total WoW addict, and he drives to the local public library, which has wireless internet, where he sets up his laptop, plays World of WarCraft in his parked car. The local cops caught him and took his laptop away as evidence in some future trial!

Since the library offers free internet during their business hours, and presumably pays by the month for uninterrupted service, I don’t know what quite what the crime is. Plus, it would be easier just to turn off their connection at closing than to call in the police.

Oh yeah, and this isn’t Palmer, Mass. It’s Palmer, Alaska.

That’s one dedicated gamer.

Violent Videogames?

In Wisconsin, three teenage boys beat and killed a homeless man, and later described the fight as “like a videogame”. I hate hearing the videogame defense, because it seems like a normal teenager should have the ability to distinguish between a computer game and actually killing someone. I played Frogger when I was little, but I don’t run out in the street and play in traffic. I played a lot of Sierra games, too, but I didn’t turn into a kleptomaniac.

Videogames, violent movies and metal music don’t make kids criminals. Bad parents make kids into criminals. Gabe from the webcomic Penny Arcade lists things that the parents might have taught their kids.

3. Don’t murder people.

Ah here’s a big one. I wonder, did the parents simply avoid the “don’t murder people” talk the way other parents might avoid the “sex” talk? Maybe one day as the father was running off to work the mother called behind him, ”Don’t forget, you promised to talk to Chris about not murdering people today!” The husband already half way out the door would holler back “Yeah yeah, I’ll do it when I get home tonight.”

He also sums up my belief that bad or neglectful parents are to blame more than pop culture.

These kids were twelve kinds of nuts and that’s a fact. Their parents either made them nuts or weren’t paying attention while they went nuts on their own. I don’t know which scenario is worse.

The stepmother of one of the boys charged (actually she’s the father’s girlfriend, but she’s lived with the father and his sons for several years) read Gabe’s rant and wrote back to Penny Arcade, describing her life with the boy.

But the reason I am writing this to you is that, after reading your news post yesterday, I felt that I needed to defend the boy’s parents. His mother and father and I did absolutely everything we could think of to try to keep this kid in line. Even the kinds of things that normal teenagers get in trouble for would have been a blessing compared to what we’ve been through with him.

The letter (which is heartbreaking, seriously, don’t read it if you’re going to Penny Arcade for a laugh) sheds some light on the kid’s life. The father’s girlfriend is 29 with a teenage stepson, the mother’s boyfriend was in jail at the time, etc. But after reading it, I don’t know if I can say “Bad parents make criminals” or just “Bad circumstances make criminals”.

The whole letter, and the Penny Arcade comments leading up to it, can be found here.

Universal Game Culture

My ESL students were having trouble with the difference between an action in the present and a habitual action. The book seemed a little technical here, so I pulled out my cell phone. “I’m going to call my boyfriend,” I said. “I’m going to ask if he is taking a shower now. What will he say if is he is?”

At this point my class motormouth told me “Not say nothing — he won’t take his phone in the shower!” which is much funnier than where this story is, but it’s my blog so I’m the center of attention. (Actually, I think the world is my blog…) One of my other students said “Yes, I am taking a shower.”

“Right. What if I ask him ‘Do you take a shower?’ What will he say then?”

“Yes, I do take a shower.” said the half of the class who got it. The other half looked at me blankly.

I prodded them to explain that if he says ‘No, I’m not taking a shower’, that means he wasn’t in the shower when I called. If he says ‘No, I don’t take a shower’ that means my boyfriend is smelly and dirty.

“What if I ask ‘Are you eating dinner?’ What if I ask ‘Do you wash the dishes?’” I practiced with them. They answered perfectly, until I asked “What if I ask ‘Are you playing computer games?’”

Then the quiet guy piped up. “Then you know why he don’t take a shower.”

Paris In Azeroth?

I just heard a web rumor that even Paris Hilton is in WarCraft. Personally, I thought she’d be more of a Second Life porno avatar than a WarCrafter. She’s an NPC Blood Elf, of course. Typical. The forums say she’s in Shattrath City, hanging out by the bar, refusing to talk to anyone. No word yet on whether “Haris Pilton” will leak a sex tape to lucky gamers, or send players on a quest to find her missing panties.

Montezuma’s Revenge

Montezuma is a freaking jerk.

Civilization 4 is the game addiction of choice this week. Every evening, Stick and I load our LAN game and swear that this time, we’ll save and go to bed at a decent hour. And every night, I stumble into bed, glassy-eyed and exhausted, dreaming of ways to conquer the world in just one more turn. After much careful consideration, I can say with total confidence that Montezuma’s always starting shit.

I say that we’ve been playing multiplayer, but actually I think we’re playing two entirely different games that just happen to look similar. Let’s start with the fact that Stick likes to sing the Civilization themesong… which doesn’t have words. I don’t even turn on the sound. It’s not that I don’t like the song, I just don’t care too much for in-game sound effects. I played the game for months before we happened to play a hotseat game on his PC, and I learned that the units speak in their native languages on activation. The Chinese units (always mine) say “What do you want now?” and the Romans (always Stick’s) say “What are your orders?”

Stick will occasionally ask me if I’ve developed gunpowder or artillery yet. I don’t know why he does this, the answer is always negative.

Stick likes to build up a huge organized army and take over other cities. This seems like a good way to play a strategy game. And Civ 4 has arranged a sort of rock-paper-scissors system of military units. Pikemen have an attack bonus against mounted troupes, mounts defeat catapults, catapults do serious stack damage to your force of pikemen. There’s also a whole set of experience skills available; extra damage, faster healing, better defense. Or I think that’s how it works… I don’t actually build military units.

I know it sounds a little wonky, admitting that I don’t like to build military units but I do like to conquer the world. Fortunately, Sid Meiers agrees with me. There’s a whole cultural victory condition, based on creating such a happy and artistic society that the whole world envies you.

With bribery, clever alliances and defensive pacts with my more warlike neighbours, I’ve been able to win without ever engaging in battle. I usually control resources, arranging blockades or favorable trading relations instead of attacking. I figure if China can maintain good relations with the Democratic People’s Republic Of Korea (also known as North Korea) and South Korea at the same time, I can convince Alexander and Tokagawa to spend their aggressive energies on each other, leaving me and my amazing cultural improvements alone.

Sometimes I play like England, trying to colonize the globe, but a freakishly successful British empire, watching cities revolt to join my glorious empire. And it is glorious, too, since I didn’t spend any time or resources on building a military. Instead, I look with pride at my Parthenon, my National Epic, my Sistine Chapel, my Spiral Mineret, my Broadway, etc. They’re usually in cities defended by a single low-experience warrior, but don’t tell Stick, ok?

In theory, there are victory conditions based on having the highest population or the greatest percentage of the world controlled by your civilization. I can never seem to make those work out. As soon as my population increases, they’re all moaning about how crowded Beijing is becoming these days, and how they want an aqueduct, and that’s hardly making more productive citizens!

There’s another method of winning the game, if not actually conquering the globe. I started playing Civ against my friend Eric when Civ2 was new, and I don’t think we’ve had a game without him utterly destroying us all in the space race. One moment you’re looking at Eric’s wee empire, thinking about how awesome it’ll be when you defeat him, and the next, Eric’s landed on the moon. But I’d rather lose to Eric than that Montezuma AI.

Because Montezuma’s a jerk.

(from my FTTW article)